And before I knew it, I had hit ‘send’. My fingers laid motionless on the screen as I saw the swift flow of a message getting delivered. It had then let me know, “Message delivered successfully” .
Not very long back, in a busy evening, we have met. Sparks flew that night, crossed the lines of a first meeting, still not crossing the walls that we had between us. A severe desire for knowing each other got dissolved in the constraint of time. No numbers were exchanged.
I was a novice lover, a first timer in the games played in love. I have in my heart a castle where my idiosyncratic demons rule. I had written the first message of the conversation, he had expressed the first desire to see me soon.
The unassuming person in me, met her man, waited hours for his replies, hid her insecurities in his tall promises and extravagant descriptions of life’s events. She was scared to lose him even before she had him, while he claimed to her friends, in an inebriated state, “She is mine!”.
She kept hoping, praying and loving the person from within when she could feel in a matter of weeks he was moving away from her. Unanswered questions, his uncaring replies, ignorance killed her soul. Slowly, deep incisions made way in her heart, while she immersed herself deeper in work, maintaining a smiling face
Three months down the line, I talk to him rarely although my mind is crowded by thoughts about him. That my self esteem is put to stake, that I will never bow down to express how much I have wanted to hold his hand while we walked past the by-lanes of an ignorant city, I kept telling him all this but in my mind.
Lying numb in my bed, I held the phone close to my chest. I pulled it up and opened the ‘sent items’ folder. The last message read, “Why me?” . A drop of tear rolled down my cheek.
“1 message received”.