THE VARANASI DIARIES – DAY 9 AND DAY 10

4-01-2013

11:23 p.m

reporting after “packing the bag” session

My last night in the city of  Varuna and Assi  today. Just finished packing up my bag. Well, yeah I did not write yesterday and making up now and I will give no excuse, the reason for which I didn’t write yesterday is that I was feeling lazy. I lazed. 

So, my well deserved vacation has ended and the going back is very much on the cards, I have to get back home, Kolkata, my place, people, may I say “my people” ? Don’t know!  They are there, scattered all around but very much detached. From the last two days I was a bit sad or maybe fumbled about the fact that I have to get back from the place I was running away but now that feeling has transfigured into something else, the feeling of getting back to work, things that need to be done but yes one thing is for sure, I have made a deal with myself, I will take small tours as frequently as possible to connect better with myself and to throw away all the shit that comes along with people.

I HAD this person in my life on whom I was immensely dependent. To be honest, I almost lived under the person’s shadow. I would keep asking if the thing in my hand will go well or not and just a word of assurance would make a very big deal for me. I was happy with just the fact that I was getting some kind of respite that I lack awfully in my life. In that trance I forgot “myself”, the “me” that was all very different, I forgot my desires, my not-manipulated thoughts and I forgot being self sufficient and then the person told me one FINE day that I was too dependent to attend to, so I found ways to become self sufficient and the person said I now have no time to spare for them. I said I just followed what you said and so I became a liar, all the problems I faced with the person became lies for the world, the person said so and NOW the funny thing is I un-friended  the person on Facebook the time we had a fight and suddenly, today Facebook asked “Do you know ******?”

HUH! PEOPLE!

Well, the highlight of the day is I did some shopping for myself and visited an ashram near the ghat. An amazing blanket of peace has wrapped me up. I am okay with the fact that I am going back tommorow and I am not really in a mood to talk. Some smoke in the fog is what the  mind is craving.

… and it’s freezing here. 🙂

Good night! 😀

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