THE VARANASI DIARIES – DAY 4

29-12-2012

10:27 p.m

from the dining table,

The day was long, it swung back and forth, into the past and the future. The past seemed vague and the future was seen through the tinted glass. The smoke around my mind has hit my head now. Its been days, quite of them.

I look at him and I look away. There are questions that they ask. I see and deliberately look away.

Benaras Hindu University ( B.H.U )  left me dumbfounded. The campus is beautiful, clean and full of people, who are from different walks of life. Entwined together are different cultures but the divide is blurred, unclean. We walked around the museum of department of ancient history and arts and if you believe me, I will say it was beautiful. Better was the walk to the Vishwanath Temple and yeah I spotted a peacock today, first time in my life, magnificent indeed. The BLUE bird.  😛  Well in the temple premises I spotted a group of youngsters doing a candle light condolence for the deceased GIRL. I wonder why people do this, why? Anyways, I am just too tired to start it all over again.

From there we went to this “book fair for BANG-O-LIS” where a uncle from a newspaper daily comes up and asks me if he can click my photo. Me and my brother had to oblige because he was sponsored by someone we knew very well. Embarrassed! 😦

The next destination was some nana-ka-ghar, where we were served all kind of delicacies( and my brother was shameless enough to ask those people to pack what we couldn’t eat for home! 😮 ) . The old man there seemed to know my mom (who was absent from the scene) and he maid this comment on seeing me : ” Arre Sunita! tu toh kuch alag alag dikh rahi hae, bohut jyada badal gayi tu toh! ”  with his crooked eyes and putting a hand on my shoulder and  then to my rescue my aunt told him ( a bit louder) that I am not Sunita (my mom) but her Kalkattay-ki-ladki! . Another embarrassment for me, but the limit was when the child in their home (who is in the 7th standard) touched my feet! (It left me wondering if I should start using Olay..)  😦

Enough of it, I finally traced my home back with my brother and aunt, with both of them fighting over his pocket money! Peace, anyone?

I reached my room here, and jumped into a happy future but I later took a look of what I have kicked out of my life, a glance maybe, I did not like it even now but a eerie silence settled in. Random. For me, this is the word I know , atleast for now.

Its silent now, I can hear the vehicles move, thoughts are bundling up and from a distant place, “bade acche lagte hain, yeh dharti, yeh nadiyan aur tum..” is playing. I love this song but not when I am still thinking….

The truth is always bitter so I chose my escape. The midnight joints in the chill outside, sitting under the naked sky, looking at the faraway sodium haze is something I wait for. Everyday. My escape. Sinful, is it? Who cares? “Care” is an ambiguous  word for m now.

I will, for now, spend some lonely hours and blurred visions. So lets see when I can come to you tomorrow and yeah, I love to come to you, I crave  to talk at times and I do it, with you.

Good night! 🙂

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